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The Love of a Good Dog

One thing that has been especially tough since you left us is how bereft our baby girl is without you. She seeks you out, she is on constant alert, and frankly, I think she's exhausted.

For the first few days, she wouldn't eat. So I had to tempt her with half a jar of "ugly chicken" in her kibble. We haven't taken a walk, and I'm starting to think that might be an appropriate step.

For the first few days, I had a friend staying with me (beautiful Jolynn who altered her life and came in from out of town), and she really did not like the stranger in the house. Kept "woofing" at her, which is a surprise to the person peaceful resting in a quiet bedroom.

We've had an endless list of guests visiting out on the porch -- people who want to show support to me, and express their grief for you. Most of them, Molly's viewed suspiciously, except for her walking buddy, whose feet she slept next to for hours, and her gaming buddy.

The kindness of our friends and family and neighbors has been overwhelming. And the periods of quiet and stillness have been heartbreaking and empty. The time when I am swamped by memories of you, and us, and our life and dreams together.

I'm following the advice of several strong women, and accepting people's help and kindness. The P's came over and did a ton of yardwork, because he's missing you terribly and doesn't know how else to convey it.

And the fridge is full of many tins of little salads, which I am slowly nibbling on, whenever someone reminds me to eat.

This morning, I was finally able to fall asleep in our bed for 1 1/2 hours. She slept right where your feet should have been. And she was on full alert for every noise. I think she's still waiting for you to come home, but I also think she knows the spot on the floor where you passed away. She has smelled it quite thoroughly, many times.

Here's an old photo of her napping by your new shoes in the evening. Please know, my dearest and darling pain in the neck (because I've vowed I'm keeping my grief real and not sanctifying you), that we love you. Alway and forever. The you-sized hole in my soul is very raw and empty.

All my love. Always.

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